Home to Bryce Canyon, Zion Canyon, and Monument Valley, Utah has a crazy other-planet kind of landscape- and sky high campsite fees to match it.

Make sure you have a camera on hand- the landscapes are out of this world!  One of my favorite views along the road was after we left highway 15 and got on 70.  We had been driving through the hot dry desert towards portentously black clouds dramatically gathering over the San Rafael “Reef.”  We pulled into a turnout to get a better look at what seemed like a promising viewpoint.  Getting out of the car we were assailed with a heavy gust of wind followed by a burst of hail.

But despite the intense weather, the stop was totally worth it.  The landscape was beautiful- although with the all hail we couldn’t take any photos once we got out of the car.  There’s a trail that goes through the canyon with rock art along the canyon walls and we didn’t get out the bikes at this stop, but it looks like it could be fun to ride through with a view of the chasm at the end.

We didn’t know it at the time, but this may also be a good place to camp if you have a vehicle that can go off road.  Instead we camped a ways before we got to the canyon at the Fremont Indian State Park.  The sites were 13.00- a good deal compared to the 20+ you’ll pay at some of the sites off of highway 15.  The sites were nicely spaced out, not too many people, but not empty either, and surrounded with plenty of neat sandstone formations to keep you busy for an afternoon of exploration.

As a side note- after writing up this post, I found out I’m not the only one who thought Utah was a little “otherworldly” – the Mars Society set up a desert research station here to simulate a mars habitat.

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Before you get on the road go through the checklist.  Yeah, I know, it can be seem like a pain because it takes a little time and you already have plenty of packing to get done.  But this is just a basic list and it’s worth the time.  Just think, rather than sitting by your overheating car in the blazing sun, hungry and phoneless, surrounded by miles of Kansas cornfields, you could spend 20 minutes making sure everything’s ready to run smoothly before you get on the road.

1.) Get to know your engine- check your fluids.

• You may know how to check your oil, but do you know what kind of oil to buy when its low, or where to put washer fluid to clear away the thick layer of bugs that will coat your windshield each day? For starters take a look at this video (okay, the guy isn’t exactly thrilling, but it’s under 2 min- you can handle it)

2.) Find out if you have roadside assistnace and whether or not it’s still valid.

• Invariably, if you’re on the road long enough you’re bound to lock yourself out of the car, get a flat, or whatever.  And when you’re 500 miles from home, on-call road side assistance is a life saver.  You can go through AAA, your insurance provider, or if you have a relatively new car, it may have come with this service.  Some services allow you a certain number of calls a year, or offer the service up until you’ve hit a certain mileage on your car, so find out the details of your service.

3.) In case you do get stuck somewhere, be prepared: Cell phone, phone charger, and flashlight.

• Even if you have road side assistance, it won’t do you much good if you can’t call them. So have your phone and have it charged.  If you get a charger for your car with a USB connection you’ll be able to charge you Blackberry, iPhone, iPod, or camera.
• Also, carry a flashlight- don’t expect AAA to have one.  I once spent an hour searching around in the dark on the side of a Vermont interstate highway for a role-away spare tire because neither I nor the triple A guy had a flashlight.

4.) Make sure your tires can get you to the other side.

• How’s the tread on those tires? If the tread isn’t deep watch out for wet conditions where you can hydroplane, but if the rubber is cracking its a heads up that the tires are getting ready to blow out.  And while you’re out their check the air, under inflated tires will cost you up to 5 cents more per gallon of gas!

5.) It’s gonna be a long ride. Get ready to settle in and get comfy.

• Music – Get a car adapter and charger for your iPod if you don’t already have one. Remember you’re going to be in the car for about a week. So think over your music selection. Make some playlists, and find some new albums- a road trip is a great time to get a feeling for an entire album at a time
• Tooth brush and essentials-  After a week in the car things get a little grungy. Do yourself a favor and put together a small and accessible bag with the essentials. Tooth brush/paste, tampons, and face/hand wipes.
• Snacks- There’s gonna be  long stretches of road with nothing but gas stations and cornfields. So consider packing a variety of affordable non-melting semi-healthy snacks so you don’t waste a ton of money on over priced candy bars along the way.

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You read about Tucson.

Phoenix is just a little bit hotter, a little bit gayer. Although, Tucsonans do believe their town to be more gay friendly, and Phoenixians (my name for a person living in Phoenix) don’t seem too eager to defend themselves.

All gay owned and themed restaurants nest themselves in Arizona (or so it seems). Here I am again at another gay spot ordering a gay Mexican burger (whole wheat bun and an avocado, I’ll let you decide which is Mexican and which is gay).  I’m throwing on some lettuce and tomatoes to be all-American. I have to counter act the deviance.

After I break the number one gay male rule of all time by overeating, I have a choice: choose the red pill or the blue pill. I can either explore old Phoenix culture in the confines of museums’ walls or see what it means to be gay in this part of the country.

I choose the rainbow pill.

Our first stop is the One Voice LGBT Community Center of Phoenix. It’s the gayest part in the strip it inhabits. It’s quite out of place, but the design is fierce. No need to have LGBT on the logo, the on-set of red, yellow, green, blue and purple hint quite strongly to what kind of establishment this is.

The eye candy here is top notch as the “Library Assistant”, which I will later learn is a volunteer position, is amazingly handsome, or “delish.” I half pay attention to the tour of this small, but useful, community center hoping to strike a conversation with Mr. Assistant. There are LGBTQ friendly and inspired books, and I envision my novel there someday (The Gayest Tamal by Bryan Luis Pacheco).

A staff member offers me coffee (they are so nice!), but I politely decline. Mr. Assistant, unable to (obviously) resist my charm, finally begins some dialogue. He does not seem to be from Arizona, and I later find out that most gays in Phoenix are just transplants for a temporary stay. True? I’m not sure. But, that is what I am told.

Upon the innocent noise of chatter, I learn that One Voice offers programming, including talks and forums. The center has a beautiful art exhibit on display by gay artists. I’m not sure how long the exhibit will be up, but I imagine it’s temporary. I really don’t know what anything is, but this is art after all.

(Attention frugal traveler:  the tour, art exhibit, community center and eye candy was all FREE.)

Because my stay in Phoenix is brief (11 hours), I am rushed out of 1 voice and make my rounds at other gay establishments. It seems that all the LGBTQ community can own are either cafes or porn shops.

I conclude my stay in Phoenix learning about the annual Phoenix Pride festival while playing with whips and other adult items in an adult themed store (probably the third I am visiting).  Apparently, Pride not only overprices their drinks; the amount of money you will spend purchasing a booth to represent your LGBTQ organization/group will cost more than what you will make from selling any memorabilia.

Does that not defeat the purpose?

You would think that Pride, a LGBTQ community focused event, would support the development of LGBTQ establishments by at least having a sliding scale for pricing. Not all gays have the pockets or skin color of Clay Aiken or Ellen DeGeneres. But, hey, it’s all about the bottom dollar and as frugal travelers, you know we will have to window shop.

But, really…how many rainbow items do you really need?

Bryan Louis Pacheco, Contributing Writer